Guilty for No Reason

Some days, I want to burry myself deep into the cold ground, where nothing but my thoughts move.

The only convenience would be not having anyone else listening to them, to intrude on my being.

Even there, I don’t think I would be satisfied with myself. Even now, I don’t know… anything.

My memory is so steep into its death that I have forgotten every part of me- every story, feeling, person, lesson, book and passion. I have forgotten them all- except for the rejection, bitterness, self-hate, guilt, alienation, and unworthiness. Maybe I make these up to feed my hungry mind. Maybe I am just weak as a sheep is for a hungry wolf. Maybe that is why I am constantly running from these people, things, places. I am afraid to settle because no one is allowed to see my voice undressed, my mask burned. Only because I do not know who, or what, is behind them.

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One thought on “Guilty for No Reason

  1. What I have learned from my experience is that we are our own worst enemy. The guilt, and resentment, the rejection, self-hate is all coming from within you. I am a stranger, and I don’t know your story, but I know mine. I have been through dark days and the day i opened my eyes and realized that I myself was the SOLE reason for my unhappiness is when my life changed and my relationship with the people around me changed. We tend to alinate ourselves, but too much alone time will get the best of us. Our thoughts are powerful and if we run away with them into these deep dark places and believe everything they say we have no one to blame but ourselves for our “unhappiness”. When our sister or mother tells us they love us we don’t believe them because we don’t love ourselves. When someone says i believe in you, I support you we don’t belive them because we don’t believe and support ourselves. Life shouldn’t be that serious. Life should be light, we are the ones that make it heavy. Being independent is important, but not if you are using is as a scape goat. I am sure you are not all those things you mentioned in your first post. You need to stop running from whatever you are running from and just face it. If you face the pain/fear it dissolves and you can let it go, and you can then move on with your life. You want to do this sooner than later because the years go by, time is ticking.. that time is your life.

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